Faulty Wiring?

It's weird-- or maybe I am weird. They say talk about your grief, talk about your person, talk about how you feel. And I was just speaking to someone who is also in similar grief, and yet I could not talk about MY grief even when he asked. He talked, he expressed, and I am so happy that he could, and yet I still can't.

I would rather dodge such questions shot towards me, layer them with humour, or twist the table and ask about the other person.

Chalo, grief toh is a bigger thing. I can't talk about how I feel on a day-to-day level. I can't talk even about good feelings. I don't even know how to express affection. Bottom line, I can't express. I am not even sure if I can feel anything. Lord! This is turning out to question if even I am a human lol.

I know well enough to say that this isn't healthy, I have experienced well enough to say that this isn't easy either.

Then why is feeling anything so difficult for me? Why is expressing anything so difficult for me? Why do I get uncomfortable when I am given a spot to talk about my feelings? Why can't I honestly answer anything related to myself? Why am I such a chaotic mess with faulty wiring?!

Here's a song that I listen to a lot. Would recommend you to hear it.

Faulty Wiring by Sam Short